When Recovery Doesn’t Feel Worth It

Recovery from an eating disorder is incredibly difficult. Not only is the process itself just really hard, but it usually takes a long time and that in and of itself can be challenging. Sometimes it might all feel not worth it.

I understand. I’ve been there and so have many of the clients I’ve worked with. Part of the reason it doesn’t feel worth it, though, is probably because you don’t know what full recovery is like. It’s hard to imagine having peace with food and your body if you’ve never experienced it.

In earlier difficult seasons of my life, I was tempted to relapse back into my eating disorder. If we’re honest, we can admit that our eating disorders serve us in many ways, and that’s another reason it’s hard to give them up. But I didn’t go back to it, because I knew what it’s like to live without an eating disorder and it’s SO MUCH BETTER. Whatever my eating disorder did give me didn’t compare to what it stole from me. Whatever needs it met, I can meet those in healthier, better ways that don’t come at such a high physical and emotional cost.

But if you haven’t been on the other side of full recovery like I have, you might have a hard time even imagining what it will be like. So even though you can’t really know until you get there, let yourself dream. Try to create in your mind a picture of what being recovered might look like for you. Here are some activities that I like to do with clients to help them envision recovery.

Create a vision board. Cut out pictures from magazines (that won’t be triggering) and glue them on a piece of paper or poster board. Include pictures of places you want to go, activities you want to do, foods you want to eat, words that will describe you and your life, etc. Hang it up where you can see it often to help you stay motivated.

Journal about being recovered. Take some time to imagine a day in your recovered life. Visualize in as much detail as possible what you are doing, what you are wearing, who you are with, how you feel about life, how you feel in your body, what hobbies/activities you enjoy, or whatever else you would like to be true for you.

These activities might bring up a lot of emotions. Maybe excitement thinking about the possibilities, or sadness about what you’re missing out right now. It might even bring up anxiety or fear. It’s okay to also feel afraid of the things we want. Even if recovered life seems scary, try these assignments anyway and share it with your therapist, if you have one (and if you don’t please get one!).

Final Thoughts…

Overwhelming emotions, fear of weight gain, loss of identity, and so many other recovery humps make it tempting to give up before you fully recover. Please don’t give up. Reach out for support, give yourself compassion for how hard it is, and remind yourself what you’re working towards.

If I can help, please contact me or schedule an appointment online.

Much love,
Cherie signature

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope

I’m Cherie Miller, MS, LPC, founder of Food Freedom Therapy™. I offer counseling for chronic dieting as well eating disorder therapy for Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, Orthorexia, ARFID, and other eating disorder issues. Contact me here or follow me on Instagram or Facebook.


Can You Be Fat and Healthy?

Can You Be Fat and Healthy?

We are told over and over that people in larger bodies are unhealthy. It’s the underlying assumption that drives the so-called “obesity epidemic” that everyone from doctors to Michelle Obama to Susan on Facebook are ranting about. This assumption about weight and health is so pervasive that most people don’t even stop to question it.

So is it true? Does being fat automatically mean that you’re unhealthy? Or put another way, is it possible to be fat and be healthy?

Believe it or not (and most don’t at first), there’s empirical support for the idea that you can be fat and healthy. Let’s take a look.

What the “Evidence” Leaves Out

First, we have to realize that all the evidence we hear on this topic is selected specifically to support the fat=unhealthy assumption that already exists. It’s human nature to ignore or reject information that doesn’t fit with our preconceived beliefs. So much of the evidence that supports the idea that people can be healthy at all sizes (e.g. Health At Every Size, or HAES®) is not even discussed.

Here is a summary of just some of the data supporting HAES®, as stated by Dr. Arya M. Sharma, MD, DSc (hon), FRCPC. Dr. Sharma is a Professor of Medicine & Past-Chair in Obesity Research and Management at the University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada, and he writes:

“For one, as reviewed by the authors, a comprehensive search of the literature reveals at least six randomised controlled trials indicating that a HAES approach (focussing on promoting health behaviours and size acceptance rather than weight loss) is associated with statistically and clinically relevant improvements in physiological measures (e.g. blood pressure, blood lipids), health behaviors (e.g. physical activity, eating disorder pathology), and psychosocial outcomes (e.g, mood, self-esteem, body image). None of these studies found adverse changes in any variables.”

Additionally, a government survey indicated that over half the “overweight” adults (51.3%) being targeted were metabolically healthy. There are studies showing that weight and BMI are poor predictors of disease and longevity (see the sources listed at the bottom), and the bulk of epidemiological evidence suggests that five pounds “underweight” is more dangerous than 75 pounds “overweight.”

In another study comparing the HAES® model to a diet approach, though only dieters lost weight, both groups initially had similar improvements in metabolic fitness, activity levels, psychological measures, and eating behaviors.  After two years, dieters had regained their weight and lost the health improvements, while the HAES® group sustained their health improvements.

This is just some of the research behind HAES®, but truthfully, there’s way too much for me to cover it fully here in just a blog post. Please consider additional reading on the topic, which can be found on my Resources page.

What the “Evidence” Gets Wrong

The fact that contradictory evidence gets left out or dismissed is not the only issue. The other problem is that the evidence to support the claim that being fat is unhealthy is just not as cut and dry as we’ve been told. There is literally NO study that has proven being fat causes illness or disease. Some studies show an association between being fat and having certain conditions, but as anyone who has ever studied research and statistics will tell you, correlation does not equal causation. (Say it again with me: correlation does not equal causation!)

For instance, what if I told you that the more ice cream is consumed, the more murders there are. Crazy, but yes, it’s an actual correlation. However, I doubt anyone would claim that eating ice cream causes people to commit murder. You would probably assume it’s either a coincidence or that there is another factor driving both increases. Maybe the heat? People are more likely to buy ice cream in summer months when it’s hot, and perhaps people are also more likely to murder someone because hot weather can make people irritable and temperamental. We don’t really know, but the point is, that in examples like this, we see pretty easily that it would be erroneous to assume correlation equals causation.

Yet that’s what we do all the time with “obesity” studies linking higher weights to certain conditions. We don’t really know that weight causes those conditions, only that they correlate to higher weights. Perhaps there are underlying factors driving both? A very real possibility for that is the emotional stress involved with being in a larger body, especially for those who suffer bullying, discrimination, or even abuse. (It’s well documented that discrimination is a chronic stressor and can increase people’s vulnerability to physical illness.) Another possibility is there’s an underlying physical condition that causes both. Still another possibility is that larger-bodied people are less likely to seek healthcare due to negative experiences with fatphobic medical professionals, and therefore, conditions aren’t caught and treated as early or effectively.

Do you see what I’m getting at? We JUST DON’T KNOW but we sure like to pretend that we do. The truth is that weight, genetics, nutrition, medicine, mental health… all work together somehow and we don’t have it figured out yet (if we ever really will). It’s incredibly complicated! I’m not saying we should stop trying to figure it out, but we definitely should stop blaming everything on weight. A mistaken belief that we’ve already discovered the truth prevents us from searching for the real truth. And our mistaken assumptions end up hurting people of all shapes and sizes in many, many ways, but mostly, of course, those in larger bodies.

Want to Know More?

Check out my Resources page for recommended reading and podcasts related to HAES® and anti-dieting (start with Christy Harrison’s Anti-Diet book or Food Psych podcast if you’re not sure where to start). Or if you’d like to talk with me, please contact me or schedule an appointment online.

Much love,
Cherie signature

Gaesser, G. (2002) Big Fat Lies: The Truth About Your Weight & Your Health. Carlsbad, CA: Gurze.
Flegal, KM et al. (2005). Excess deaths associated with underweight, overweight, and obesity.JAMA, 293(15) 1861-1867.
Flegal, KM, Graubard, BI, Williamson, DF, Gail, MF (2007). Cause-specific excess deaths associated with underweight, overweight, and  obesity. JAMA, 298(17), 2028-3037.
Orpan HM, et al.(2009).  BMI and mortality: Results from a national longitudinal study of Canadian adults. Obesity, doi:10.1038/oby.2009.191
Tamakoshi1 A, et al. (2009). BMI and all-cause mortality among Japanese older adults: Findings from the Japan collaborative cohort study. Obesity, doi:10.1038/oby.2009.190
Campos P (2004).The Obesity Myth. New York: Gotham Books.
Bacon, L, VanLoan M , Stern JS, Keim N. Size acceptance and intuitive eating improve health for obese Female chronic dieters. J of Amer Dietetic Assoc 2005;105:929-936.
Wildman RP, et al. (2008). The obese without cardiometabolic risk factor clustering and normal weight with cardiometabolic risk factor clustering: Prevalence and correlates of 2 phenotypes among the US population (NHANES 1999-2004). Archives of Internal Medicine, Aug 11, 168(15):1617-24.
About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope

I’m Cherie Miller, MS, LPC, founder of Food Freedom Therapy™. I offer counseling for chronic dieting as well eating disorder therapy for Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, Orthorexia, ARFID, and other eating disorder issues. Contact me here or follow me on Instagram or Facebook.



We are not born disliking our bodies. We are innocent in our self-acceptance until we learn there is a “right” way to look. After that, we evaluate ourselves against whatever ideal we are taught because it is our nature to compare. If we are fortunate, we will grow up in a family that values inner qualities over appearance. Sometimes that can protect us from internalizing the broader culture’s narrow beauty ideal. But it’s difficult to stay immune to all the messages from everywhere else… the teasing from kids at school… the magazine covers with Photoshopped images… the TV commercials pushing their weight-loss products…

And some are not fortunate enough to grow up in families where beauty is recognized in a diversity of shapes, sizes and colors. For too many, the pain starts at home and family opens the first wounds, which are only deepened by peers and the media.

Seemingly from all corners, the message is clear: We aren’t good enough. Not T-H-I-N enough.

Because thin = good and we so reason, therefore, fat must = bad, right? Some will even directly say that it is.

I used to buy into all of it, like so many do. I hated my body long before I developed an eating disorder, and it laid the foundation for me to go down that path. I was so desperate to lose weight, to be accepted, to feel okay for once. I was so mad at myself for not being thin like my friends and the pretty girls I saw in the media.

Thankfully, now I’m recovered—from both my eating disorder and my body hatred. But I’m still angry. I’m angry that we live in a culture that works so dang hard to make us feel bad about ourselves. You can’t go a day without seeing advertisements for products related to weight loss, makeup, hair dye, eye creams, tummy-control pants, and on and on and on. If you don’t feel pretty, thin, or young enough, then they promise to change that if you’re willing to spend enough time and money.

And I mean lots of money. Beauty is a $532 billion industry and is expected to just keep growing. The problem is that every commercial you see isn’t simply trying to sell you something; first, it tries to convince you that you need what they’re selling. It plays on, sometimes even creates, insecurities. The subtle goal is for you to feel bad about yourself so that you’ll then want to buy something that will (supposedly) make you feel more confident.


While common sense likely tells us that we’re influenced by the media, it never hurts to have some research to back that up—which of course, it does. Indeed, research shows that media influence can lead children and adolescents to internalize ideals imposed by society, which also increases the probability that they will suffer from issues like body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Studies suggest this can start as young as six years old, if not even earlier. We’re talking Kindergarteners, maybe younger!

That makes me angry for every little girl that is harmed by these messages poured into her about her value and what she is supposed to be. I hope that like I have, you’ll learn to turn that anger and disgust that you direct at yourself for not being what you “should” be, and you’ll start getting angry at the diet and beauty cultures instead. Not because makeup is evil or dyeing your hair is inherently bad, but because being sold the idea that you can’t feel good about yourself without those things is wrong. Being told we have to be a certain BMI to be attractive and worthwhile is beyond shallow—it’s destructive and sick, and I will never stop fighting for a better world for my son and daughter.

If you’d like to talk about how to get break free from these destructive cultural messages and finally accept yourself as you are, please contact me about a teletherapy appointment or follow me on Instagram or Facebook.

Much love,
Cherie signature


About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope

I’m Cherie Miller, MS, LPC, founder of Food Freedom Therapy™. I offer counseling for chronic dieting as well eating disorder therapy for Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, Orthorexia, ARFID, and other eating disorder issues. Contact me here or follow me on Instagram or Facebook.