Feelings – Fact or Fiction?

Feelings are like waves...

Emotions—particularly intense ones like depression, anxiety, and anger—can be so powerful that our judgment is sometimes clouded by them if we’re not careful. We can even find ourselves in a habit of being ruled by them, which is not fun for us or the people around us.

It’s an easy trap to fall into because feelings feel so real. I mean, when we look in the mirror and see certain flaws, we feel ugly, so we believe we must be. When our boyfriend doesn’t call, it feels like he doesn’t care, so we assume he doesn’t. While it’s hard to believe something other than what our emotions are screaming at us from the inside, we need to remember that feelings aren’t facts. Everyone has flaws and they don’t mean we aren’t beautiful. Our boyfriend didn’t call because his cell phone died, and he hasn’t gotten home to charge it yet. Assumptions and generalizations will get us in all kinds of trouble if we don’t watch out for how they play with our emotions!

And yet, feelings aren’t fiction either. We can struggle just as much and stay just as stuck when we tell ourselves that our feelings aren’t valid as we do when we believe they are the end-all-be-all. Peace finally starts to come when we stop struggling against our feelings from either angle and just accept them for what they are—feelings! In their own right, they are neither fact nor fiction, good or bad.

Instead, view feelings as red flags that something needs to be paid attention to. Learning to recognize and analyze these signals in a healthy way is whole other topic, but at least being able to remind yourself that feelings are okay but they aren’t facts is a place to start.

What do think is the hardest thing about dealing with feelings?

much love,



3 thoughts on “Feelings – Fact or Fiction?

  1. Simply feeling. After almost two decades of doing everything not to feel, not having been allowed to feel, I find them foreign and most moments overwhelming. I find that I am not good on my surf board at all and most days when I try I end up falling and feeling like I am drowning.
    After having shoved them so deep they are confusing and frightening. Anxiety is confused as hopelessness and my unimportance. Anger feels like I am choking and want to crawl out of my skin. Sitting in them makes it often feel as if the world has run out if air. 20 years of emotions with a limited skill set on how to recognize them let alone handle them makes them the hardest thing to conquer.

    • You are so right! When we’ve been using things to numb ourselves, it can be overwhelming to suddenly feel everything again. After struggling with depression for many years, I got tired of feeling crappy… so tired I eventually let my eating disorder step in and deal with the pain. Food became Novocaine for the emotions I didn’t want to feel anymore. When I started recovery, the pain that I had not felt for a long time came flooding in, filling every crevice, leaving me curled up in bed unable to move. I drank cough medicine so I could sleep away the days it felt particularly unbearable.
      Going through Dialectical Behavior Therapy was a huge turning point for me! It helped to see that the horrible feelings would not last forever and gave me tools to manage them when they did come. I recommend finding a DBT therapist or group if you can, or even a book. Let me know if I can help in any way! Remember that you’re not alone and you will get through it…you’re a survivor! XOXO, cherie

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